Your Souvenir Guide

Disneyland Ex Machina

Al Lutz’s good news for people who love bad news

Underland

Al Lutz has posted one of his quarterly Disneyland updates at MiceAge. Allow me to sum up its six salient points:

1. The Disney’s California Adventure re-make is moving forward. A “preview of coming attractions” exhibit, the Blue Sky Cellar, opens later this month in the former Seasons of the Vine theater. But Al Lutz already told you all this ten years ago, before DCA even existed, so there’s no point in your seeing this stuff with your own eyes. Al Lutz is your daddy, fools! Bow down before him!

2. The Tinker Bell meet-and-greet area is almost finished. The Rainforest Scene was removed from
it’s a small world and replaced with a cloying American tableau. This is what happens when you break bread with Billy Ray Cyrus and his spawn.

3. The new Monorail cars are going back into the shop; they need windows that open. I may never get to ride one.

4. Disney’s looking into buying Sea World and Anaheim GardenWalk. Could happen, could not. To be fair to Lutz, he’s always careful to deliver these predictions with a degree of equivocation, which is more than can be said for the Jim Hills of this world.

5. Disneyland’s employee cafeterias apparently suck rope.

6. “I hate Jay Rasulo I hate Ed Grier blah blah blah.” Every time Lutz uses the shopworn phrase “sharp pencil boys,” I am tempted to jam a sharp pencil into my own eye.

THE HEROES. These are the best Disneyland bl-gs I’ve discovered recently. They rock the casbah; they rock the Catskills. And you should add them to your RSS feeds if you haven’t already.

Jungle is “101.” A former cast member reminisces on his years of skippering boats down Adventureland’s rivers of adventure. (“101” is Disneyland’s radio code for “out of commission.”) His stories and photos are pure pirate gold.

The Best Possible Job. Another onetime cast member delivers thoughtful ruminations on what it meant to work at Disneyland in the 1980s, and how it helped to shape his philosophy of living. Now I really wish I’d tried harder to get a job there back when it was more than just a job.

Disneyland Nomenclature. An ambitious and eminently readable attempt to translate the whole of the Disneyland experience into an encyclopedia. The author of this bl-g knows the Park backward and forward, and “welcomes nitpicking.”

You should also be reading Broke Hoedown and Passport To Dreams Old & New but I’ve told you about those bl-gs before, so that’s that, right? We’re cool?

STYLIN’, PROFILIN’. I’ll be at Disneyland from Tuesday, Oct. 22 to Thursday, Oct. 24. If you see me, say howdy. I’m the one with the camera.

Much as I hate to dash cold water on this trip before I’ve taken it, I have an awful feeling that it’s the last Disneyland trip I’ll be taking for several months at least. To paraphrase Bing Crosby, I’m putting my leisure fund into an iron lung.

If you’re facing down a financial hardship I surely hope that it proves to be brief, and that you and yours come through it whole and unbowed. I hope that we’re all able to visit the Park next year, and to spend tall money on pineapple whips at the Tiki Room and cocktails at the Uva. Even those gentlemen with the sharpened pencils.

Comments

comments

3 Comments

  1. The Lutzism that irritates me to no end is referring to something as "tired" or "worn". Apparently anything that hasn't been upgraded in five years is "tired". The man is so one track that his grasp of the English language has been reduced to meaningless cycles or rhetoric.
    Blue Bayou?
    "In March, the tired old Blue Bayou will get switched out with a new eatery serving upscale Japanese cuisine in a stunning indoor moonlit view of Mt. Fuji. Disneyland execs have been especially impressed by a new effect where the Teppan chefs will flip scallops into the mouthes of riders in passing boats."

    Ed Grier?
    "Tired old Ed Gier, in his old suit with his worn out charisma, stuck his head onstage for a few seconds in Town Square, inciting a minor riot."

    Mark Twain?
    "The tired old Mark Twain will finally be replaced with a bullet train around Tom Sawyer Island in June. Expect all the scenery, trees and oxygen around the Rivers of America to be removed at this time as nobody will be able to see them traveling at 100 miles an hour. Disneyland execs minus Ed Grier have been pushing to play Radio Disney in each cabin. John Lasseter agreed, stipulating that every 1000th song played be 'You've Got A Friend in Me'. The new ride is expected to last 15 seconds and include, in a thoughtful tribute, a framed picture of Disneyland old, worn, tired, old Cascade Peak in each cab."

    Hey, thanks for the shout out. ^^

  2. Gawd, that Castle's looking hideous.

    Thanks for both your compliments (what CM doesn't love guest compliments?) and your spot-on commentary.

  3. Geoff Carter

    2008/10/10 at 6:22 PM

    Foxxfur: Got your lemon-poppyseed muffin ready? We've been posting some record numbers lately. Keep in mind that updates only get posted when there's something to report on. Sadly, nothing can be done about this folks (sic).

    If this were a drinking game, we'd have perished of liver cirrhosis months ago. Tired, indeed. And I would totally eat at that Mt. Fuji restaurant.

    Yellows: Thank you! May you dream tonight of a Park uncluttered by baby-blue banners and pin-trading carts. May we all.

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